When does perfectionism start? When does it invade our thinking? Why do I strive to be perfect/flawless to those around me?
These are all questions that I'm asking myself after reflecting on some anxiety that has come after a fast that I did this month. You see, perfectionism and the root of it's evil, has been plotting seeds since I was young. Self-doubts came at an early age, mostly in athletics (striving to be stronger, faster, better) & from being bullied. Hence why I wanted to be something/somebody I'm not. If we aren't what someone else wants us to be we can change and strive to be perfect right? Move in perfectionism.
I will point out that perfectionism can be present in one or multiple areas of your life. We all compare ourselves to what the world thinks is "best". The best mom, the best athlete, the best friend, the best wife...You get the picture. Why can't we strive to do our best in the roles that we play? We judge ourselves based on others and that's not fair, it's not realistic.
In order to get past perfectionism we must fight self-doubt with hope and negative thoughts with positive affirmations. We must build upon what we're good at: our gifts and our strengths. We must build self-confidence. But sometimes it isn't easy. Sometimes you need more than words. Support and counseling are needed to re-build what has been lost. Personally, I had to get to a vulnerable state where I was able to ask for help. Where I was able to share and have freedom of the perfectionism that I face.
"We live in a competitive world. The pressures to be thin, beautiful, fit, smart, sexy, funny, rich, and popular trap us in a relentless vise-grip. You don’t need to be a model or a gymnast to get trapped in a disorder or an addictive lifestyle. You could be a college student, a businesswoman, a nurse, a mom, a dance instructor, a retail clerk, or a Sunday school teacher.
No one is exempt. Feelings of inadequacy and inferiority ravage hearts of Christians and non-Christians alike.
Our attempts to measure up are all-consuming traps. They focus our attention inward verses upward. When we get caught in the trap of striving to measure up, we focus on ourselves. That was never God’s plan. We were designed to focus on Him. Shifting our attention from ourselves to God will change our perspective.
God longs for our obsession to be Him." (Measuring Up-Gwen Smith)
As I fight the lies of perfectionism I found a useful article on, The Love Dare, by Bonnie Gray.
The Love Dare:
Whenever I get to a fork in the road between my fears and faith, I dare to:
1) Stop making decisions based on three things: fear of failure, mistakes or others’ opinions of me.
2) Take the step that reflects only one thing: God’s unconditional love for me.
The Love Dare is based on this key verse:
“And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” Romans 5:5b
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