Perfectionism: Fighting my worst enemy.

Perfectionism is an idol that chains you to yourself-and blinds you to the waiting embrace of Gospel Grace. Grace lets those whose messes and wounds are many-simply see Jesus and Him only. (Ann Voskamp)

When does perfectionism start? When does it invade our thinking? Why do I strive to be perfect/flawless to those around me?

These are all questions that I'm asking myself after reflecting on some anxiety that has come after a fast that I did this month.  You see, perfectionism and the root of it's evil, has been plotting seeds since I was young.  Self-doubts came at an early age, mostly in athletics (striving to be stronger, faster, better) & from being bullied.  Hence why I wanted to be something/somebody I'm not.  If we aren't what someone else wants us to be we can change and strive to be perfect right? Move in perfectionism.

I will point out that perfectionism can be present in one or multiple areas of your life.  We all compare ourselves to what the world thinks is "best".  The best mom, the best athlete, the best friend, the best wife...You get the picture.  Why can't we strive to do our best in the roles that we play?  We  judge ourselves based on others and that's not fair, it's not realistic.

In order to get past perfectionism we must fight self-doubt with hope and negative thoughts with positive affirmations.  We must build upon what we're good at: our gifts and our strengths.  We must build self-confidence.  But sometimes it isn't easy.  Sometimes you need more than words.  Support  and counseling are needed to re-build what has been lost.  Personally, I had to get to a vulnerable state where I was able to ask for help.  Where I was able to share and have freedom of the perfectionism that I face.

"We live in a competitive world. The pressures to be thin, beautiful, fit, smart, sexy, funny, rich, and popular trap us in a relentless vise-grip.  You don’t need to be a model or a gymnast to get trapped in a disorder or an addictive lifestyle. You could be a college student, a businesswoman, a nurse, a mom, a dance instructor, a retail clerk, or a Sunday school teacher.

No one is exempt. Feelings of inadequacy and inferiority ravage hearts of Christians and non-Christians alike.

Our attempts to measure up are all-consuming traps. They focus our attention inward verses upward.  When we get caught in the trap of striving to measure up, we focus on ourselves. That was never God’s plan. We were designed to focus on Him. Shifting our attention from ourselves to God will change our perspective.

God longs for our obsession to be Him." (Measuring Up-Gwen Smith)

As I fight the lies of perfectionism I found a useful article on, The Love Dare, by Bonnie Gray.

The Love Dare:
Whenever I get to a fork in the road between my fears and faith, I dare to:
1)  Stop making decisions based on three things: fear of failure, mistakes or others’ opinions of me.
2) Take the step that reflects only one thing: God’s unconditional love for me.
The Love Dare is based on this key verse:
“And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” Romans 5:5b

The seasons of life: the good, the bad, the ugly (preparing your heart for all of them) becoming a seasoned woman

In this wasteland where I'm livin'
There is a crack in the door filled with light
And it's all that I need to get by
In this wasteland where I'm livin'
There is a crack in the door filled with light
And it's all that I need to shine (NeedtoBreathe-Wasteland)

Lessons learned, life is hard.  Sometimes I want to give up, sometimes I want to scream and shout and say, this isn't fair! And other times life is amazing and I take for granted what I've been given.  This includes mistakes, regrets, fears, and failures.  All of these things: the good, the bad, the ugly have made me into a seasoned woman.  But it wasn't easy getting there.

I can't remember the first time I made a mistake or the first time life was hard.  In a world filled with sin, these are learned naturally.  We are human.  There is a cost for every decision we make in life.  And a seasoned woman recently taught me to accept the things I cannot change & "it is what it is".  Did I have the same perspective growing up as I do now?  Probably not.  Did I prepare for seasons of turmoil and hurt the same as I prepared for seasons of joy?  Probably not.  These are valuable lessons that only age, time, and faith can allow you to learn.

I am 29.  Does that still qualify me as a "young woman"?  Sometimes I can tell that I'm getting older: napping is a must, early bed-time, recovery from workouts takes longer, I can live in sweatpants and slippers, and I'd much rather choose a night in rather than going out.  These are the things in my head that I've associated with getting older.  But along with these silly things, I've noticed a change in my heart.

Honestly, I remember being stubborn and moody.  I remember letting stupid things get to me.  I remember being critical and thinking that it was the end of the world if a guy didn't date me or if I wasn't married by now.  Looking back, even just a few years I've realized that these are the things that can swallow my essence of joy.  These are the things that can harden my heart.  I know now that having joy through all circumstances can change the outcome.

The difference in the way that I look at the good, the bad, the ugly is not only different, but the way that I react to these seasons is different.  Having a solid foundation and preparation for these times is important as a woman.  Have I been broken? Yes.  Have I fallen down?  Yes.  Have I encountered trials? Yes, just yesterday...But instead of wallowing in these things that are only temporary, I've accepted them as a part of the whole plan.  They've not only changed my views, but changed me. 

Let me take a second to go over what seasoned means when used as a verb:

9. to heighten or improve the flavor of (food) by adding condiments, spices, herbs, or the like.  

10. to give relish or a certain character to

11. to mature, ripen, or condition by exposure to suitable conditions or treatment:

I can attest that with the good, the bad, the ugly, also comes maturity and character building.  I'm definitely not who I once was.  But I'm also thankful for the things that I've been brought through.  By no means am I a perfect woman, far from it.  But I am real and I want to be a catalyst of growth and forward-thinking.  I want to show others that a road-block is not the end, it's simply an opportunity for growth. 

Look around you.  Find women that can provide mentor-ship and growth in your life.  Surround yourself with the seasoned.  Throw some spice in your life.  

My mom, my mentor.