I choose...better!

My devotional hit me pretty hard today, a time when I needed to hear it.  I’ve experienced another potential set-back in my running career.  And like any set-back, it throws me for a loop and I instantly go into panic mode.  But, in reality…It’s not about you, Megan.

The truth is, I’ve had my fair share of injuries/set-backs & they’ve added up emotionally.  But there is also truth in the fact that I am human and that my body, if pushed hard enough, can break down.   

Injuries trigger a lot of negative feelings and emotions for me.  Feelings of failure, of lost time, of depression, of weakness.  My first thoughts are: why now, how, why are you punishing me, God?   

My underlying feelings are anger, bitterness, fear, and loss of self-worth (often taken out on those that I love).  The truth is…I am being conditioned.

Bruce Wilkerson, in his book Secrets of the Vine, notes, “God isn’t trying to just take away; He’s faithfully at work to make room to add strength, productivity, and spiritual power in your life. His goal is to bring you closer to the ‘perfect and complete’ image of Christ.”

My journey isn’t complete, it’s being written.  You take away what you put in, so yes, that means getting up earlier to stretch, taking more time to foam roll, and icing where it hurts.  And this doesn’t mean glossing over the problem and hoping it won’t come back.  This is routinely doing those strengthening exercises/stretching/and mentally conditioning your body where you are weak.

So I have a choice…Reminded by Sharon Jaynes:

“When we stop focusing on the not-so-mighty “me, myself, and I,” and start focusing on the almighty God, then we will begin to see our difficulties through the lens of God’s perfect and perfecting plan. If He prunes away a dream, it is only because He has a greater dream in store that will produce more and better fruit.”

In closing, I invite you to write a list of your set-backs (non-running as well) & any negative thoughts/vibes in your life right now.  PRAY OVER IT, THROW IT AWAY!

Now write a list of all the blessings you have in your life, things that you’re thankful for, people that you admire, things you love about yourself.  Put that list somewhere to look at each day as a reminder.  It will be a reminder that we have a choice…to be bitter or better than our circumstance. 

I’m choosing to be better!

The day that changed my life: 1 year ago, today

In honor of Throwback Thursday #TBT, I decided to share our story (written from Eric's prospective) of our engagement, that happened a year ago, today!

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

How we got engaged- By Eric Marshall

 

I traveled to San Francisco to run a 27k trail race on Sunday, July 21^st. The race was part of the LaSportiva Mountain Cup Series, a ten-race circuit I had been competing in across the country. To finish up my 5 week road trip, (7,000 miles) Megan was flying into San Francisco and would be taking 9 days to drive back to Pennsylvania with me.

Megan and I had not seen each other in over a month, and we were both highly anticipating our reunion on the west coast. Although a proposal seemed likely in the future, Megan was unaware that I was able to plan a proposal for our trip. The two of us had talked about an engagement, but it was paramount that I speak with her father before asking for her hand in marriage.

Unknown to her, (Thank you all who kept a really good secret) I met with her father, Joe on June 28^th to ask for his blessing. You see, initially Megan thought that I was going to be able to talk to her father on July 4^th, when we had planned to visit her family at their cabin. But because I was already going to be half-way across the country at that point, the timing wasn’t going to work. Joe and I had a great dinner, and he gave me his blessing on behalf of him and Barb that evening.

Megan’s flight on Tuesday, July 23^rd into SF was delayed, but nothing could stop the flood of emotions, hugs, and kisses we experienced when we reunited at the terminal. One more trial down, and it was time to enjoy each other’s company!

I planned an eventful day for the two of us. I had prepared a lunch, some hors d'oeuvres, and a bottle of white wine for us to enjoy at Stinson Beach. To get there, we drove along the Pacific Coast Highway. We smiled, laughed, and were full of joy! It was beautiful.

Our time at the beach passed by quickly. I took a few pictures of the two of us, Megan got her feet wet in the Pacific, and we were on our way, back to the city. I hurried Megan along, explaining to her that we had reservations, but I wanted to take her to a park first, to see the sun set.

The previous evening, I had set out to find the best location to propose to Megan. After reading a few reviews online, an old military base that was given over to the park system, caught my attention. Crissy Field was a nice park at the north end of the city, close to where we would be. As I walked along its path following the bay’s bank, I came up to a picnic bench. I got chills immediately, knowing that this was where I would propose to Megan the following night! The bench looked over the bay, with the Golden Gate Bridge to the west, and Alcatraz to the east.

Megan hurried out the door, unaware of what was about to proceed. It was ten until six, and I had hired a violinist to play at the picnic table in ten minutes. 6 o’clock rolled around and Megan and I were at the table, taking in the littoral view. To accompany us, I brought a bottle of red wine, to make the scene more romantic. We sipped the wine and talked about our love and our time spent apart. We held each other closely, because the cold waters of the bay cooled the air and there were light winds.

I looked down at my watch and realized the violinist was extremely late! I called him and asked where he was. He replied that he arrived around six o’clock, but was unable to locate us. I told him to return ASAP! Of course, I finished the conversation with him by announcing that I was okay with our, “dinner reservation” being pushed back a bit.

Around 7’oclock, Megan began asking reasonable questions. When does the sun set here? Can we walk down to the warming hut I had described so vividly earlier, with it’s warm coffee and fireplace? “No” I replied, “Let’s stay here and take some pictures first”! She gave me the look, but hesitantly got up and moved into the focus of my camera’s lens.

Finally! I could hear the violinist making his way over towards us. I set the camera on “video mode” to capture the proposal. I asked Megan to come towards me as she began to laugh, noticing a violinist making a b-line our way. She continued to laugh, until she realized what was happening. She said she heard it in my voice.

I grabbed her hands and told her that I love her.  I told her that I love her because of her heart. I love that she puts God first in her life. I love that she loves her family and her friends. And I love her because she wants to make a family and share her life with me.

And so, I fumbled my cold hands toward the ring in my pocket, got down on one knee, and asked if she would make me the most blessed man in the world!

She said yes, Twice!

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

But it sure does hurt a lot!  My quick tid-bit for today: Growing, together and apart. 

This week marks the second time that Eric and I have been apart for a longer period of time.  Our first time apart was around the same time last year, but we weren't married yet.  Eric took a road trip across the country, while competing in the La Sportiva Mountain Cup race series.  We were apart for about a month!  

This time around, we're happily married, stronger, and the time apart is less than a week, while Eric is back-packing in NH.  One of Eric's passions is back-packing and orienteering.  Part of me wanted to be selfish and tell him not to go, but the majority of me wants him to take those opportunities with friends, doing what he loves.  Marriage is certainly about learning and growing together, but I also realize that we are both unique and have our own passions.  I want to support Eric through his adventures. 

Two things that I'm learning: how to support him, even when I don't want to (selfishly) and how to be alone.  

One thing that was hard to grow out of as a kid and through college was living on my own, having my own room, and being a big girl.  I've always shared a room with my sister and through college I always had a roommate.  So staying alone in our house is an adjustment (I'm a baby, I know).  And some of you know that we have a goldendoodle, Marley, but let's be honest, she's no guard dog.  Fears are certainly only in my mind and they can be overcome.  

It really helps having supportive family and friends.  Spending time alone with them while Eric is gone is unique and I treasure our time together.  They get to know me more as an individual.

Supporting Eric's passions is so important for his growth and for mine.  We could spend every waking hour together and never be apart, but what would that do for our individual growth?  Squat.  We will always serve as a unit, but individually strong.  In the past, in times apart, God has taught us important lessons and strengthened our relationship.  

So even when we spend time apart, the heart will grow fonder.

Every day is a winding road...as Sheryl Crow would say...

I mean it when I say...the road is never straight!  Our journey on this earth is complex.  The roads that we travel are windy, bumpy, curvy, and icy.  But they define who we are and make us better drivers.

Something that crossed my mind over the weekend was how long it took to get over a tendon toe injury...over a year!  I know that I can relate to A LOT of runners on this one.  Injuries come at the wrong time and the healing process can be timely and inconvenient.  It took over a year to heal and this Sunday marked my first 5k race, pain free! I even got to race with an elite runner, Kara Foster, who was pacing a friend!  She motivated me during the race and was kind enough to cheer for me as well.  You are an inspiration and how far you've come as an athlete!

I won't go into the nitty gritty about the journey or the bumps that I've been through this year, but I will say that victory over an injury is so satisfying.  You put in the hard work, you put in the physical therapy, you deserve a victory.  Warning: Never expect for it to come easy & you're allowed to have grumpy/down days too! (According to elite trail runner, Shannon Payne, she has the 24 hour rule)

And it's the small victories that count as well.  Like walking/running a couple miles pain free (even if you feel completely out of shape).  Celebrate the positive moments in your journey.  I'm all about promoting success stories, because I know I can relate to someone out there.  Someone else out there needs encouragement.

As I lead a women's Couch to 5k group from Centre Church, I am humbled by these women that are driven to be better everyday.  Having accountability and encouragement makes the 6AM mornings so sweet.  The prize in which we strive for goes above and beyond a time and/or a race.  We are striving to become stronger women & stronger people in our communities.  No one wants to travel these roads alone and I'm really thankful for all the encouragement that I've received along the way.  I'm also extremely blessed because my partner in training is my husband.  Quality time is easy when you get to train together :)  

I've enjoyed reading various Oiselle athlete blogs about triumph and their journies.  Even elite athletes are human, they have set-backs, and they share about their road to recovery.  I've learned that being able to share among athletes gives you victory over your injury.  It's like saying, AH HA! I WIN!  There is freedom in your story.

Arts Fest 5k, 10k, 10miler (Happy Valley Elite Runners)

Here, There, Everywhere

When I said I liked to travel, I didn't mean to travel & get stuck!

The 4th of July weekend was shaping up to be an adventure.  I think adventure is Eric's middle name, I just married into it!  Our plans were to leave State College Thursday morning, get to my parent's cabin in Greentown, PA, and stay there till Saturday, before leaving for Lincoln, NH for the US Mountain Running Championships.  Sounded great on paper, but things don't go according to plan, but, lesson learned.

After what it seemed to be a long week, we headed out for my parent's cabin in Promised Land State Park, just 3 hours east of State College.  We enjoyed our time there with family, just relaxing, playing Head-bands, and eating glorious food.  Our time there was short-lived.  We decided to get an early start on Saturday so that we could get to bag check-in in NH before 5:30.

Our drive to NH was care-free and beautiful!  We got to the race site (Loon Mountain) at 4:30.  We met some of Eric's team members from Rosemont Running club as well.  We departed for our campsite in Franconia Notch State Park.

The weather was perfect for camping: no bugs because of the breeze and no rain :) We set up camp and changed for a short pre-race run along the water/campground.  By the time we got back, stretched, and showered (tip: save quarters shower together hehe) we were starving!  We headed back to Lincoln to seek a local brewery (Stocktown Inn).  We enjoyed a quick dinner and brew before heading back to camp. 

It was a beautiful night, just laying in the hamock in the dark.  We had loud neighbors that had funky taste in music, but they were entertaining.  The ranger made sure it was quiet after 10, we slept hard.

We rose at 7 AM, shooting to head out at 7:30 AM.  I wanted to catch the start of the women's race!  I've read about many of the women racing & I'm continuously inspired by the strength and toughness that they carry.

We got to Loon Mountain with plenty of time to watch the start, put Eric's number on, use the bathrooms, and warm-up.  Eric and I are completely different before racing...I am an anxious mess & he is quiet, calm, and collected.  Hopefully he can balance me out :)

My plan was to watch the start & the first descent and ride the gondola to the top.  I followed suite and realized that there was a steep hike up after the gondola to the finish line.  The whole time I thought, "thank God I'm not running this!".  Once again, amazed by the incredible athletes competing!

As I stood at the tippy-top of Loon Mountain at about 4,000 some feet, I was still and prayed for Eric.  I knew this wasn't his style of racing...Mountain running & trail running are definitely not the same!  I wanted him to soak in the experience and to be thankful for his ability to run.

Eric finished the race and was thankful to be done.  The last 150 meters were at a 46% grade...WOW!  We headed back down to the lodge on the gondola and cleaned up before heading out.  We didn't stick around for awards because we had another 9 hours of driving left for home.

A very long story short...our fuel pump died in Lincoln...we were towed to Manchester in stand-still traffic...witnessed an accident...dropped our car at the BMW dealership...got a taxi to a hotel...got some dinner & great hospitality at a local Italian restaurant and passed out.

We awoke the next morning at 7:30 to call the dealership.  Fuel pump...expensive...won't be done till 5 PM....all I could think about was how late we would get back home (2 AM).  In the end, the car was fixed, we had the money to do it, we were safe, and we had each other.  That is something that I take for granted.  Eric's presence in my life and his way to have a positive attitude is crucial in stressful times.  Normally I would probably freak out and cry, but this time was different.  He made the situation better and we made the most of our trip.

Not every situation/experience will go "according to plan".  But whose plan is it anyways?  Usually it's my plan, but I often fail.  When God is in control, I can push through any situation with patience and promise.  I am thankful I have my faith to get through difficult times.

Now onto the next adventure...