Fight or Flight

“I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.”
― Thomas A. Edison

The stories of failure before success are numerous.  You will find that most influential people have failed numerous times before making a break-through.  Thomas Edison, Abraham Lincoln, Albert Einstein, Steve Jobs, J.K. Rowlings, and Walt Disney are named on 1000 Days of Inspiration as being successful after failing.

I think all of us have failed in some way.  The TEDx Talk, The Skill of Self Confidence, by Dr. Ivan Joseph, AD & coach at Ryerson University, explains how to get through failure.  Even more so, how to learn self confidence.

In the past I have bailed when faced with adversity.  When I started playing soccer and was goalie, that first goal that went in, I quit.  We learn at such a young age to give up or stick with it.  I ended up sticking with soccer and playing through high school. 

So we have this choice to make...Fight or flight.  Another saying that we've heard is that diamonds are made under pressure. 

There are 3 things that Dr. Joseph teaches that we can do to learn and practice self-confidence.

1) Don't accept no for an answer, persist.persist.persist.

• Practice and hard work and influential in self-confidence
• Persistence allows us to build skills and character

2) Positive self-talk

•  We already hear enough negativity around us, why tell ourselves more negative thoughts about ourselves
• Get away from people that tear you down
• Thoughts turn into actions, negative thoughts trump action
• Will you believe those negative thoughts?
• Re-affirm yourself (You are the captain of your ship)
• Practice: Write a letter to yourself (A brag sheet, what are you proud of) and read it when you're navigating a storm
• Catch the good, praise positive behavior

 3) Interpret feedback a certain way

• No one will believe in you unless you do

I will end on a poem that embodies what it means to persist through life's storms.

Try Try Again

by T. H. Palmer

'Tis a lesson you should heed, If at first you don't succeed, Try, try again; Then your courage should appear, For if you will persevere, You will conquer, never fear Try, try again; Once or twice, though you should fail, If you would at last prevail, Try, try again; If we strive, 'tis no disgrace Though we do not win the race; What should you do in the case? Try, try again If you find your task is hard, Time will bring you your reward, Try, try again All that other folks can do, Why, with patience, should not you? Only keep this rule in view: Try, try again.

Race Report: 2014 Club XC Nationals "Opportunity over outcome"

"Just because things didn't work out the way you wanted doesn't mean they didn't work out the way God planned.  Be open to change." -Sarah Jakes

I started talking about the opportunity to race at Club Cross Country Nationals months ago, since State College has a great group of women training post-collegiately.  We run together when schedules allow (most are finishing degrees, Masters and PhD programs) and I am currently working full-time for Penn State University.  Lehigh University is only 15 minutes from my parent's house where I grew up in Quakertown, PA.  Seemed like a no-brainer to organize a team and go!

Thankfully we had two sponsors rally behind us, Nittany Valley Running Club & the local running store, Rapid Transit, sponsored our jerseys.

The team consisted of 5 women: Lauren Philbrook (Willams College), Dani Kocjancic (Penn State), Emily Giannotti (Penn State), Bria Edwards (Penn State), and myself (Penn State).  We have a lot of variety in our group with PR's and events ranging from a 2:09 in the 800 to an Olympic Trials Qualifying time in the Marathon from Lauren.  Bria is currently a stand-out Triathlete for Penn State's Triathlon Club and Emily and Dani just finished their seasons with Penn State T&F last spring.

What an amazing group of athletes, but more importantly they are class acts as people.  We have lifted each other up and supported each other this past year while we get to know each other.  I couldn't ask for better training partners and friends.

We were all thankful for the later start on Saturday at 12:45 PM.  This allowed us to get up without an alarm and to relax a little before heading over to the course.

Another fun aspect of this event was seeing so many familiar faces and competitors.  Not only was the Penn State presence overwhelming, but Oiselle had many members and cheerleaders at the event as well!

Going into this event I knew I was taking a gamble.  A week earlier, I was diagnosed with a stress fracture in my sesamoid bone that didn't heal properly in my right foot.  (I was mis-diagnosed a year and a half earlier so I continued to run through the pain).  The healing never took place and with a lack of blood supply to that bone, part of it is now dead (black).  The doctor put off my cortisone shot so that I could run in this event to support my team.  The shot will come on Wednesday and we will go from there with a plan.  I'm hoping that I can run pain-free soon!

Cross country always seems to throw you curve balls.  The course had become muddy from the snow and rain in previous days.  With this factor I decided to take a chance and run with spikes.  I knew the lack of support would be a problem with my foot.  I still took the chance.

My team got out well from the start and I'm thankful for Emily, Dani, and Bria leading the way.  We soon funneled into the straight-away and into the first round of "mud-pits".  The first mile went out fast!  Around 2 miles I stepped wrong and the pain increased with my foot.  Unfortunately I did have to stop a couple times to compose myself and continue running.  I felt great otherwise.  I did finish strong and ended up running around 24:00 minutes for 6k.  My goal was to run sub 23:00, which I knew I was physically capable of doing from recent times in races & training. 

Despite my personal battles, I am beyond proud of my teammates and their finishes!  We placed 19th as a team, which turned out to be in the middle of pack.  Overall it was a successful weekend with a great team!

I can't hold on to this race and how I performed.  What good would that do?  I'm reminded to hold on to nothing, and release everything to God.  Failure is a part of my faith walk.  Obedience is faith.

This is an important lesson in life and it is not easy.  I am thankful for the opportunity to run and despite the pain, to finish a race that I haven't done since 2008.  Sometimes just the experience should be good enough, not the time or the outcome.  I have been tested by injury many times and many times it has gotten the best of my spirit.  I am not going to let an injury break me down this time.

As I've spoken before, this is a season of joyfulness.  I'm going to stick to that plan.

What test are you facing today?  Are you focused more on the outcome than the opportunity?

When the meaning of Christmas changed

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than [ourselves]. (Philippians 2:3)

As Christmas is steadily approaching and expectations are all around, are you asking yourself what Christmas really means?  I am.  And this year is significantly different.

In years past, Christmas and it's entirety was focused on gifts and material things.  Even when I was a kid, my sisters could attest to how grumpy I would get if I received less than they did.  The "stuff" that we receive provides joy for a short amount of time.  Those things don't last, they wear down, they break.

As Eric and I have entered our second year of marriage we have learned many lessons already.  One lesson is being humble and selfless as a partner.  We're also learning the gift of healing.  This will mark our second Christmas together and I'm finding that it is grown into something more special than the last.

I think that Eric and I have found more joy in this season because of it's meaning to us.  Joy that is unspeakable.  After reading a blog on desiringGod.org, The Weight of Christmas Expectations, I found the following passage to nail down how I'm feeling:

So as our celebrations approach, let’s resolve to lay aside the weight and entangling sin (Hebrews 12:1) of selfish Christmas fantasies and look to Jesus,

who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. (Philippians 2:6–8)

This is the true Christmas spirit. Christ did not grasp; he served. And oh, how he served.
Advent season is the celebration of the unexpected Jesus coming at an unexpected time in an unexpected place to pay the unexpected, unfathomable price to give us unexpecting sinners the undeserved gift of complete forgiveness of sin and unimaginable gift of eternal life.
Christmas is not about fulfilling our holiday expectations. It’s about celebrating Jesus’s overwhelming accomplishment for us and following in his humble servant footsteps.

We're taking ourselves out of Christmas and putting more efforts towards others, like Jesus would.  Finding joy in service is the biggest lesson I'm learning in my life.

Our church, Centre Church, believes in community outreach and I'm honored to be a part of such a mission.  We served the community with 50 trees on Saturday during our Christmas Tree Giveaway.  We provided families with trees free of charge, just some rainy weather & fellowship to go along.  It was an experience that happened quick, considering the trees were gone in 30 minutes, but the impressions that were made are un-breakable. 

The blog also states: The false myth of this Christmas is that if we can get it to look like the whimsical hazy collage in our minds, we will experience the “Christmas spirit” and be happy.

Eric and I have found gifts to be the center of Christmas in our pasts.  Gifts never made us happy.  This year, we won't be buying gifts for each other, but we will be reading, Advent: The Dawning of Indestructible Joy, and spending quality time with each other and our loved ones.

So I am asking you to find the truth in Christmas this season.  Find joy and have it be unspeakable.

Learning to face my disappointment: Rothman Institute 8K Race Report 2014

Disappointment (noun): the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the defeat of one’s hopes or expectations

In order to overcome the feelings that I have been experiencing from Saturday, I want to be real and talk about the power of perspective.

Naturally, I am a tough critic of myself.  I have expectations laid out and reactions to achievement/failure that are natural as a human & woman.  I put a lot of time into training and that is a choice.  I choose to get up early to stretch & lift.  I choose to push my limits to get better.  I choose to put aside money in our budget to pay for races.  And it is also a choice on how I react after the race is over. 

I want to start from the beginning.  Going into the race (Rothman Institute 8k), I was filled with anxiety.  What was I thinking? I've never raced over a 6k, yet alone an 8k.  I experienced some self-doubt and my abilities as a runner.  Training has been going well, but I've been guilty of the comparison trap.  I see so many other runners and their times/training paces and I question my capabilities.  I countered these thoughts with positive ones: this will be great training & I just ran a 3.8 mile relay leg at 5:53 pace, what's one more mile?  The Lord has blessed me with this ability and gift and I want to use it!

The day of the race was cold! We woke up at 5:30AM and got a lift to the race site.  I couldn't feel my face/fingers.  We quickly warmed up and got to the Elite/Seeded heated tent to put on our bibs.  I started to see familiar faces of elite runners: Kerri Gallagher from Oiselle, Rachel Schneider (previous Georgetown runner), & many others!  It was nice to see Tara Murray from our local running group.  She was so supportive and positive!  As they led us into the cold, my mind was numb.  I wasn't nervous, I wasn't ancy, I wasn't anything.  They held us at the start for 15 minutes...the cold sank in further despite wearing the wazelle long sleeve, Oiselle racing jersey, lesley knickers, Zensah compression leg sleeves, light gloves, and my Patagonia hat.  

Side note: I've been dealing with a big toe injury for over a year now.  The pain has increasingly gone down to a point that I am training hard with it.  I credit this with the change in shoe to HOKA ONE ONE's Clifton.  Lightweight, yet supportive.  Most recently I was able to afford another x-ray/MRI and it has shown a stress fracture in the sesamoid bone.  The doctor wasn't sure if it is healing or not, so next comes the MRI.  I wanted to stay positive and race despite hearing this news because I am trusting that it is healing.

As the gun went off, the group took off towards the first stretch and go-around Logan Square before heading out on our out-and-back along the Schuykill River.  The out route is down-hill and the back route is increasingly up-hill.  I stuck with a few women that I knew wanted to go 6:00 min pace, a do-able pace in my mind.  I stayed with them relaxed until we passed the 3 mile marker.  

I can't describe how my legs felt after that because all I felt was pain/tiredness.  They wouldn't respond.  I just kept trucking along through the pain with negative thoughts of wanting to stop.  It was a mental game for me after that point.  1 mile at a time.  It was nice to hear familiar voices cheering (Tara Murray & Oiselle teammates) on the way back.  

Ok, made it to mile 4, less than 1 mile to go!  I kept at the same pace, not responding to other runners up ahead like I usually could.  I wanted to finish, stay strong Megan.  As I crept up the last hill before the finish I pumped my arms vigorously and passed 2 runners.  I picked it up slightly before the finish & sprinted home, 30:49 (6:11 pace overall). Race results.

Soon after the race I was happy & excited that I did indeed finish and it was an automatic PR.  As the day rolled out and I was able to review the results, those feelings of disappointment crept in.  I started to feel that I was capable of so much more, but I didn't execute the plan.  I started to second guess my training and my abilities.  What am I doing wrong?  

I stood back and realized that I was comparing myself to the wrong people.  Elites & Olympic qualifiers are not in the same category as I am.  I wanted to be proud of myself and thankful for this opportunity.  I wanted to be thankful that I finished and thankful that I could make this trip with my husband, and I was proud of him.  We work full-time jobs and manage to fit in full-time training with each other, that is something to brag about.  I know where my strengths are: shorter distances and my speed.  I am continuously working on maintaining faster paces for longer distances, but I'm realizing that it doesn't happen overnight.  

This is the season of thanksgiving, but more importantly thanks-living.  I want to be aware of what I'm capable of and setting realistic goals.  I'm hungry for faster times and placing higher in my division, but I need to be patient.  God's plan is much bigger than my own.  I know my time will come to shine, He is preparing me for something big.  Having a positive perspective will get me through to the finish.  

I've read that, "Sometimes, it takes a painful disappointment to teach us a skill or strengthen our faith or to put us in the right place at the right time. We don’t know His ways or His thoughts. We just have to believe in His promise. Find the good, grab onto it with both hands, and celebrate it. You need to." (Tara Ziegmont)

In conclusion, I am proud of myself of taking a step outside my comfort zone, 2k outside my comfort zone to be exact!  Are you willing to step outside your comfort zone for a goal/dream, even if it means facing disappointment along the way?

An attitude of gratitude

grat·i·tude

ˈɡradəˌt(y)o͞od/

noun

noun: gratitude

1. the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.

"she expressed her gratitude to the committee for their support"

synonyms:

gratefulness, thankfulness, thanks, appreciation, indebtedness

A common word with a bold meaning.  What does gratitude really look like?  Do I possess such an attitude?

An email sent from my mom about gratitude made me put on my thinking cap today.  As Thanksgiving approaches, am I practicing gratitude in my life?  What we intend to do (act/say) doesn't always come out the way we want.  I had a feeling that I needed to do some more research on this attitude and myself.

As I continue to grow as a woman (in faith, in maturity, in knowledge, in running, etc.) I am blessed by the other women that surround me and mentor me.  You cannot grow without being mentored by someone that a) is more knowledgeable in that subject, b) wiser, and c) gone through a similar experience.  I've found that I am not scared of asking for advice or direction.  

Something that I'm working on is being positive through bad circumstances and blessing others.  Starting small and making a difference locally is something we all can do.  I may not be able to change the world, but on a smaller scale I can make a positive impact on one person. 

This is where gratitude comes into play.  I have read that, "A grateful attitude in itself introduces an elevation of mood. When I see my circumstances through the lens of a grateful mind-set instead of the "I'm not getting what I want" mind-set, I feel better; I even have the potential to be happy in spite of circumstances." (Women of Faith)

In order to develop this attitude, why not start small? Start a list of those small things that you're grateful for, even if they're silly!  For example: That my husband put the seat down. He he.  Celebrating the small victories are just as rewarding as the big victories.  Make a commitment to check your attitude daily.  Am I grateful for what I have today?  Big or small.

Robert Emmons, perhaps the world’s leading scientific expert on gratitude, argues that gratitude has two key components.

“First,” he writes, “it’s an affirmation of goodness. We affirm that there are good things in the world, gifts and benefits we’ve received.”
In the second part of gratitude, he explains, “we recognize that the sources of this goodness are outside of ourselves. … We acknowledge that other people—or even higher powers, if you’re of a spiritual mindset—gave us many gifts, big and small, to help us achieve the goodness in our lives.”

What are some of the outcomes of practicing an attitude of gratitude?

• Brings happiness
• Strengthens relationships
• Promotes forgiveness

Some other ways that you can cultivate gratitude:

• Keep a gratitude journal
• Write a gratitude letter
• Teach gratitude to others, teach your children
• Recognize the positives

Take this 20 question gratitude quiz, based on a scale developed by psychologists Mitchel Adler and Nancy Fagley.  See where you stand & make a change!

Love/hate relationship with myself

Self-esteem is a term used in sociology and psychology to reflect a person's overall emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self. (Wikapedia)

I've seen a recent blog by Stephanie Marie on Self Love Rituals, and it made me think... How much do you love yourself, Megan?

Simple question, complex answer.  I will say that #selflove is something I strive for and something that I want to represent to girls/students that I mentor.  Yet, it is a constant battle and life hasn't been easy in the area of self esteem for me. 

Unfortunately, I was bullied in middle school...I was the tall, big-footed, skinny girl with braces and I didn't go through a day without being called, "Crazy Hu" or having my books checked.  I was never picked to slow-dance at formals, but I was picked for their kick ball team.  This was confusing to me.  I slouched to hid my tall-ness and I put everything into athletics.  My self-esteem at that point exuded frustration and hurt, but I hid it well.  

Then came high school.  More teasing for being flat-chested, but I was a stellar athlete at my high school, how does that work?  I remained strong and confident in athletics, but deep down I was hurt by words. 

By the time I got to college I started to realize that boys did like me and I liked that attention.  I guess I would fill the void in my life with pointless relationships (some abusive in nature) to find my worth.  Was I truly happy?  At this point, collegiate track and field was also taking it's toll on my self-esteem.  I was considered just a number on a team full of talent and that threw me for a loop.  Plagued by surgery and injuries, I never reached my collegiate running potential.  I still regret that till this day.  My joy for running was sucked out of me, it became a chore and business.  Self-esteem...pretty low.

The two things that I found worth in were unreliable and materialistic.  Self-worth found in talents/gifts & people don't get you anywhere.  Self-worth comes from hope and joy in something greater, something within yourself.

The cycle continued as I searched for a purpose in life, even though I claimed to be a Christian, I was compromising what a Christian was to me.  I filled my life with running/over-training to escape my low self-esteem.  I tried to find the "perfect guy" to feel better about myself.  Don't get me wrong, these things can be a healthy part of your life, but I was using them to contribute to my self-worth.  I had some high moments (PR's & a bf), but once the lows came (injury & being dumped) I found myself in a low place.

Finally, I hit rock bottom.  I cried out for answers and my faith was all I had.  That was it! Why was I searching for "things" to make me happy with myself?  All I needed was hope and joy and the promises that Christ gives us. 

Life made a turn for the better, I finally believed that a past of brokeness/lack of self-esteem could be mended.  I am constantly making mistakes, but I know I have a purpose and I am wonderfully made. 

In this world we will battle negativity in our lives (bullying, stereotypes, comparison, etc.).  But making the choice to not rely on "things" to make you worthy is an important lesson in self-esteem.  Nurture those around you with positivity and encouragement, especially the girls in your life.  Young girls are already going through a roller-coaster with puberty and then they are hit with negative things against their self-esteem.  Build them up, allow them to fly!

(Always #LikeAGirl video)

Breaking chains, taking names

A big reason why I love being a part of Oiselle, is the transparency and variety of women that are on the team.  We all bring something different to the table, but there are also a lot of similarities.

Reading other women's stories is not only inspirational, but most times I find someone that I can relate to in what I'm going through, even if it is Kara Goucher or Lauren Fleshman (some of the elite runners).

My willingness to share openly about struggles and chains is for the good of healing.  I call it, having power over the past & gaining courage for the future.  The test is part of your testimony, so why not share!  I value the stories that other women share from their past.  For me, becoming transparent hasn't been easy.  I think I was afraid of judgement and what other people would think.  I felt like I wasn't good enough.  I felt alone.   

Once I started sharing and opening up all the negativity went away.  If I can be an inspiration to someone else, my story is worth sharing.  Chains have been broken and labels have been torn down in my life.  I am not a failure, I am not a race time (constant battle coming back from an injury), I am so much more as a woman.

What chain/label do you need to break today?

Wilson Phillips-Hold On

What's in a number?

The power of numbers/a number is more significant than we think.

Example: Age, salary, race time, etc.

To me these are prime examples where perspective can be negative or positive, depending on how you look at it.

Limitations, stereotypes, and other negative thoughts can creep in when we focus on a number. 

For example, there are doubters/critics when age is thrown in the mix for a runner, specifically a female.  Also, depending on your time and results in races, negative connotation will follow.

On another note, the larger the salary, the better you are, right?!

All of things are relative and the power of perspective is important in the world that we live in.  My suggestion/tip is to learn what's behind that number.  

In the world of running, I've found that age is just a number and that hard work is a powerful thing.  Hard work and determination can transform any situation into a success story. 

I've also learned that a race result can be negative depending on how you look at it.

For example: My good friend, Meredith, just competed in her 2nd Half IRONMAN event!  She also works a full-time job in NYC and continues to train full-time.  Talk about balance.  This second race proved to be a challenge mentally, physically, and emotionally.  Her back acted up during the swim (not the best place to start) and various other things went wrong, but she finished!  Her story inspires me.  If you just looked at her time would you know her story?  Probably not!

And for me, my latest 5k I ran a 19:23.  And that is not my best time, by far.  Some would call that slow... What you may not know is that after battling a toe injury for a year, anemia for months, being sick the week before, and the race ended up being 3.19, I am proud of that result and finishing overall female.

You see, sometimes it's learning the story behind the number because we tend to judge otherwise.  We even judge ourselves.

I've thoroughly enjoyed learning all the stories of my friends, athletes, and teammates on Oiselle.  They inspire me because they have stories, they have a perspective.  They have come a long way.  Those are the stories behind the number.   

There IS TEAM in I

Hmmm...I bet you're wondering if I got that saying mixed up...

I've been away from blogging for some time and I wanted to come right out and count my blessings.  I cannot be who I am without my "team" surrounding me, I cannot conquer feats and downfalls without my "team".  So who is my team you ask?  My team is bigger than most teams & they surround me with love.

Without a team surrounding you, I've found it impossible to get through the trials and tribulations that life throws us.  My Couch to 5K women showed me humbleness when I was injured and that "showing up" even when I don't want to is important and it changed my perspective.

My family has shown me complete patience through really hard times and financial burdens.  But they are persistent in their faith and their trust in God's timing, which is ALWAYS perfect.  My sisters are my soul-mates, together forever, thick and thin.

My new family, the Marshalls...what can I say, they're my new set of parents and siblings that are close and a strong support system for Eric and I.  They're always in our corner, mentoring and supporting us!

My DC group, my girls!  Never a dull moment!  Even through hard times, I manage to laugh with you.  You've never judged me and accepted my past as a part of my story.

My church, my extended family.  Never a dull moment here as well with our ruthless and hilarious leader.  The transparency and the community outreach is something that sets us apart.  We're weird and that is AWESOME :) Thank you for giving me the chance to use my spiritual gifts and a chance to shine.

All my friends, near and far, from different times in my life...you are what gives my life flavor.  You all have made life sweeter and I hope to spice up yours as well.

Oiselle, you have given me a chance to find myself again and given me a larger support system on all levels.  Your belief in your athletes and what you stand for inspires me every day.  The women that represent Oiselle, do it in style and great taste.  They are real and are relateable to runners on all levels.  This support is portrayed in a recent post by Sally Bergesen, the fearless leader.

"The insanely dedicated. The embattled fighter. The athlete who knows everything counts because everything’s at stake. And we pull for them. Because they believe in their potential just as we hope to believe in our own."

Last but not least, Eric...my training partner, my cheerleader, my friend, my husband, my love.  You will always be on my team.  You have felt my pain and defeat through some rough times this year.  Injuries and other ailments can get the best of you, but you were always there encouraging me, on my A Team.

The lesson I keep learning in life...Give it your all & make the right choice!

Gwen Smith says, "It all begins with a choice. If we want to be women of impact, we need to live with our eyes wide open to God-opportunities."

So what do you do once you establish a strong team? You choose to go for it!  I am more fearless now than I ever was, even if I am a late bloomer.  Am I too old to PR, am I too old to fight for the win?  NO!  Age is just a number and I'm training with fire.

Who is on your team today?

Draw a crazy picture

“Draw a crazy picture,
Write a nutty poem,
Sing a mumble-gumble song,
Whistle through your comb.
Do a loony-goony dance
'Cross the kitchen floor,
Put something silly in the world
That ain't been there before.”
― Shel Silverstein

Do you ever feel different? I know how it feels to stick out...to be tall with big feet.  Unfortunately, being "me" didn't feel good in middle school.  I was often bullied by males and I lacked self-esteem.  I found strength when I played sports, that was an outlet where I could stick out in a good way.  I often slouched next to boys, to be less-tall.  Isn't it funny that being tall is seen as a strength?!  It's unfortunate that bullying still goes on today.

Through the years I've developed an attitude of fearlessness.  I'm still scared of many things, but I'm certainly not afraid of being ME.  I've changed a lot in respects of maturity and knowledge, but I am still the same silly person as I was in my youth.  This attributes to an amazing family that has always kept humor in our forefront.  This attributes to great friends that always compliment me as a person and never try to change me.  And finally, a great husband, that is fearfully and wonderfully made, that puts up with my short-comings and brings out my strengths.  These are the people you need to surround yourself with on earth.

Sharon Jaynes says, "I believe the dream to be beautiful is not cultural, but at the very core of womanhood.  John Eldredge, in his book Wild at Heart, describes three longings that lie at the heart of every man: a battle to fight, a beauty to rescue, and adventure to live. He also ventures to say that women have three longings of the heart as well: to be fought for, to share in an adventure, and to have her beauty unveiled."

He also ventures to say that women have three longings of the heart as well: to be fought for, to share in an adventure, and to have her beauty unveiled. - See more at: http://www.1160hope.com/devotionals/11712671/#sthash.V8V0BT6y.dpuf

When did the pressures develop in women, to be chased or do the chasing, or to be "rescued"?  I am not a damsel in distress, much like fairy-tales present.  We are magnificent creatures made uniquely & wonderfully by God.  On that note, let's take a comedic break with Jim Gaffigan talking about how amazing women are!

 “But truly, women are amazing. Think about it this way: a woman can grow a baby inside her body. Then a woman can deliver the baby through her body. Then, by some miracle, a woman can feed a baby with her body. When you compare that to the male’s contribution to life, it’s kind of embarrassing, really.”
― Jim Gaffigan, Dad Is Fat 

Back on a more serious note... be the masterpiece you were created to be!  Don't compare yourself!  We are all bigger & better than the bully we went up against and we're stronger than we think. 

What is one feature of your magnificent being that you are most thankful for today?

I'm thankful for my long legs, to run fast! ROAR!

I believe the dream to be beautiful is not cultural, but at the very core of womanhood. John Eldredge, in his book Wild at Heart, describes three longings that lie at the heart of every man: a battle to fight, a beauty to rescue, an adventure to live. - See more at: http://www.1160hope.com/devotionals/11712671/#sthash.V8V0BT6y.dpuf

I choose...better!

My devotional hit me pretty hard today, a time when I needed to hear it.  I’ve experienced another potential set-back in my running career.  And like any set-back, it throws me for a loop and I instantly go into panic mode.  But, in reality…It’s not about you, Megan.

The truth is, I’ve had my fair share of injuries/set-backs & they’ve added up emotionally.  But there is also truth in the fact that I am human and that my body, if pushed hard enough, can break down.   

Injuries trigger a lot of negative feelings and emotions for me.  Feelings of failure, of lost time, of depression, of weakness.  My first thoughts are: why now, how, why are you punishing me, God?   

My underlying feelings are anger, bitterness, fear, and loss of self-worth (often taken out on those that I love).  The truth is…I am being conditioned.

Bruce Wilkerson, in his book Secrets of the Vine, notes, “God isn’t trying to just take away; He’s faithfully at work to make room to add strength, productivity, and spiritual power in your life. His goal is to bring you closer to the ‘perfect and complete’ image of Christ.”

My journey isn’t complete, it’s being written.  You take away what you put in, so yes, that means getting up earlier to stretch, taking more time to foam roll, and icing where it hurts.  And this doesn’t mean glossing over the problem and hoping it won’t come back.  This is routinely doing those strengthening exercises/stretching/and mentally conditioning your body where you are weak.

So I have a choice…Reminded by Sharon Jaynes:

“When we stop focusing on the not-so-mighty “me, myself, and I,” and start focusing on the almighty God, then we will begin to see our difficulties through the lens of God’s perfect and perfecting plan. If He prunes away a dream, it is only because He has a greater dream in store that will produce more and better fruit.”

In closing, I invite you to write a list of your set-backs (non-running as well) & any negative thoughts/vibes in your life right now.  PRAY OVER IT, THROW IT AWAY!

Now write a list of all the blessings you have in your life, things that you’re thankful for, people that you admire, things you love about yourself.  Put that list somewhere to look at each day as a reminder.  It will be a reminder that we have a choice…to be bitter or better than our circumstance. 

I’m choosing to be better!

The day that changed my life: 1 year ago, today

In honor of Throwback Thursday #TBT, I decided to share our story (written from Eric's prospective) of our engagement, that happened a year ago, today!

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

How we got engaged- By Eric Marshall

 

I traveled to San Francisco to run a 27k trail race on Sunday, July 21^st. The race was part of the LaSportiva Mountain Cup Series, a ten-race circuit I had been competing in across the country. To finish up my 5 week road trip, (7,000 miles) Megan was flying into San Francisco and would be taking 9 days to drive back to Pennsylvania with me.

Megan and I had not seen each other in over a month, and we were both highly anticipating our reunion on the west coast. Although a proposal seemed likely in the future, Megan was unaware that I was able to plan a proposal for our trip. The two of us had talked about an engagement, but it was paramount that I speak with her father before asking for her hand in marriage.

Unknown to her, (Thank you all who kept a really good secret) I met with her father, Joe on June 28^th to ask for his blessing. You see, initially Megan thought that I was going to be able to talk to her father on July 4^th, when we had planned to visit her family at their cabin. But because I was already going to be half-way across the country at that point, the timing wasn’t going to work. Joe and I had a great dinner, and he gave me his blessing on behalf of him and Barb that evening.

Megan’s flight on Tuesday, July 23^rd into SF was delayed, but nothing could stop the flood of emotions, hugs, and kisses we experienced when we reunited at the terminal. One more trial down, and it was time to enjoy each other’s company!

I planned an eventful day for the two of us. I had prepared a lunch, some hors d'oeuvres, and a bottle of white wine for us to enjoy at Stinson Beach. To get there, we drove along the Pacific Coast Highway. We smiled, laughed, and were full of joy! It was beautiful.

Our time at the beach passed by quickly. I took a few pictures of the two of us, Megan got her feet wet in the Pacific, and we were on our way, back to the city. I hurried Megan along, explaining to her that we had reservations, but I wanted to take her to a park first, to see the sun set.

The previous evening, I had set out to find the best location to propose to Megan. After reading a few reviews online, an old military base that was given over to the park system, caught my attention. Crissy Field was a nice park at the north end of the city, close to where we would be. As I walked along its path following the bay’s bank, I came up to a picnic bench. I got chills immediately, knowing that this was where I would propose to Megan the following night! The bench looked over the bay, with the Golden Gate Bridge to the west, and Alcatraz to the east.

Megan hurried out the door, unaware of what was about to proceed. It was ten until six, and I had hired a violinist to play at the picnic table in ten minutes. 6 o’clock rolled around and Megan and I were at the table, taking in the littoral view. To accompany us, I brought a bottle of red wine, to make the scene more romantic. We sipped the wine and talked about our love and our time spent apart. We held each other closely, because the cold waters of the bay cooled the air and there were light winds.

I looked down at my watch and realized the violinist was extremely late! I called him and asked where he was. He replied that he arrived around six o’clock, but was unable to locate us. I told him to return ASAP! Of course, I finished the conversation with him by announcing that I was okay with our, “dinner reservation” being pushed back a bit.

Around 7’oclock, Megan began asking reasonable questions. When does the sun set here? Can we walk down to the warming hut I had described so vividly earlier, with it’s warm coffee and fireplace? “No” I replied, “Let’s stay here and take some pictures first”! She gave me the look, but hesitantly got up and moved into the focus of my camera’s lens.

Finally! I could hear the violinist making his way over towards us. I set the camera on “video mode” to capture the proposal. I asked Megan to come towards me as she began to laugh, noticing a violinist making a b-line our way. She continued to laugh, until she realized what was happening. She said she heard it in my voice.

I grabbed her hands and told her that I love her.  I told her that I love her because of her heart. I love that she puts God first in her life. I love that she loves her family and her friends. And I love her because she wants to make a family and share her life with me.

And so, I fumbled my cold hands toward the ring in my pocket, got down on one knee, and asked if she would make me the most blessed man in the world!

She said yes, Twice!

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

But it sure does hurt a lot!  My quick tid-bit for today: Growing, together and apart. 

This week marks the second time that Eric and I have been apart for a longer period of time.  Our first time apart was around the same time last year, but we weren't married yet.  Eric took a road trip across the country, while competing in the La Sportiva Mountain Cup race series.  We were apart for about a month!  

This time around, we're happily married, stronger, and the time apart is less than a week, while Eric is back-packing in NH.  One of Eric's passions is back-packing and orienteering.  Part of me wanted to be selfish and tell him not to go, but the majority of me wants him to take those opportunities with friends, doing what he loves.  Marriage is certainly about learning and growing together, but I also realize that we are both unique and have our own passions.  I want to support Eric through his adventures. 

Two things that I'm learning: how to support him, even when I don't want to (selfishly) and how to be alone.  

One thing that was hard to grow out of as a kid and through college was living on my own, having my own room, and being a big girl.  I've always shared a room with my sister and through college I always had a roommate.  So staying alone in our house is an adjustment (I'm a baby, I know).  And some of you know that we have a goldendoodle, Marley, but let's be honest, she's no guard dog.  Fears are certainly only in my mind and they can be overcome.  

It really helps having supportive family and friends.  Spending time alone with them while Eric is gone is unique and I treasure our time together.  They get to know me more as an individual.

Supporting Eric's passions is so important for his growth and for mine.  We could spend every waking hour together and never be apart, but what would that do for our individual growth?  Squat.  We will always serve as a unit, but individually strong.  In the past, in times apart, God has taught us important lessons and strengthened our relationship.  

So even when we spend time apart, the heart will grow fonder.

Every day is a winding road...as Sheryl Crow would say...

I mean it when I say...the road is never straight!  Our journey on this earth is complex.  The roads that we travel are windy, bumpy, curvy, and icy.  But they define who we are and make us better drivers.

Something that crossed my mind over the weekend was how long it took to get over a tendon toe injury...over a year!  I know that I can relate to A LOT of runners on this one.  Injuries come at the wrong time and the healing process can be timely and inconvenient.  It took over a year to heal and this Sunday marked my first 5k race, pain free! I even got to race with an elite runner, Kara Foster, who was pacing a friend!  She motivated me during the race and was kind enough to cheer for me as well.  You are an inspiration and how far you've come as an athlete!

I won't go into the nitty gritty about the journey or the bumps that I've been through this year, but I will say that victory over an injury is so satisfying.  You put in the hard work, you put in the physical therapy, you deserve a victory.  Warning: Never expect for it to come easy & you're allowed to have grumpy/down days too! (According to elite trail runner, Shannon Payne, she has the 24 hour rule)

And it's the small victories that count as well.  Like walking/running a couple miles pain free (even if you feel completely out of shape).  Celebrate the positive moments in your journey.  I'm all about promoting success stories, because I know I can relate to someone out there.  Someone else out there needs encouragement.

As I lead a women's Couch to 5k group from Centre Church, I am humbled by these women that are driven to be better everyday.  Having accountability and encouragement makes the 6AM mornings so sweet.  The prize in which we strive for goes above and beyond a time and/or a race.  We are striving to become stronger women & stronger people in our communities.  No one wants to travel these roads alone and I'm really thankful for all the encouragement that I've received along the way.  I'm also extremely blessed because my partner in training is my husband.  Quality time is easy when you get to train together :)  

I've enjoyed reading various Oiselle athlete blogs about triumph and their journies.  Even elite athletes are human, they have set-backs, and they share about their road to recovery.  I've learned that being able to share among athletes gives you victory over your injury.  It's like saying, AH HA! I WIN!  There is freedom in your story.

Arts Fest 5k, 10k, 10miler (Happy Valley Elite Runners)

Here, There, Everywhere

When I said I liked to travel, I didn't mean to travel & get stuck!

The 4th of July weekend was shaping up to be an adventure.  I think adventure is Eric's middle name, I just married into it!  Our plans were to leave State College Thursday morning, get to my parent's cabin in Greentown, PA, and stay there till Saturday, before leaving for Lincoln, NH for the US Mountain Running Championships.  Sounded great on paper, but things don't go according to plan, but, lesson learned.

After what it seemed to be a long week, we headed out for my parent's cabin in Promised Land State Park, just 3 hours east of State College.  We enjoyed our time there with family, just relaxing, playing Head-bands, and eating glorious food.  Our time there was short-lived.  We decided to get an early start on Saturday so that we could get to bag check-in in NH before 5:30.

Our drive to NH was care-free and beautiful!  We got to the race site (Loon Mountain) at 4:30.  We met some of Eric's team members from Rosemont Running club as well.  We departed for our campsite in Franconia Notch State Park.

The weather was perfect for camping: no bugs because of the breeze and no rain :) We set up camp and changed for a short pre-race run along the water/campground.  By the time we got back, stretched, and showered (tip: save quarters shower together hehe) we were starving!  We headed back to Lincoln to seek a local brewery (Stocktown Inn).  We enjoyed a quick dinner and brew before heading back to camp. 

It was a beautiful night, just laying in the hamock in the dark.  We had loud neighbors that had funky taste in music, but they were entertaining.  The ranger made sure it was quiet after 10, we slept hard.

We rose at 7 AM, shooting to head out at 7:30 AM.  I wanted to catch the start of the women's race!  I've read about many of the women racing & I'm continuously inspired by the strength and toughness that they carry.

We got to Loon Mountain with plenty of time to watch the start, put Eric's number on, use the bathrooms, and warm-up.  Eric and I are completely different before racing...I am an anxious mess & he is quiet, calm, and collected.  Hopefully he can balance me out :)

My plan was to watch the start & the first descent and ride the gondola to the top.  I followed suite and realized that there was a steep hike up after the gondola to the finish line.  The whole time I thought, "thank God I'm not running this!".  Once again, amazed by the incredible athletes competing!

As I stood at the tippy-top of Loon Mountain at about 4,000 some feet, I was still and prayed for Eric.  I knew this wasn't his style of racing...Mountain running & trail running are definitely not the same!  I wanted him to soak in the experience and to be thankful for his ability to run.

Eric finished the race and was thankful to be done.  The last 150 meters were at a 46% grade...WOW!  We headed back down to the lodge on the gondola and cleaned up before heading out.  We didn't stick around for awards because we had another 9 hours of driving left for home.

A very long story short...our fuel pump died in Lincoln...we were towed to Manchester in stand-still traffic...witnessed an accident...dropped our car at the BMW dealership...got a taxi to a hotel...got some dinner & great hospitality at a local Italian restaurant and passed out.

We awoke the next morning at 7:30 to call the dealership.  Fuel pump...expensive...won't be done till 5 PM....all I could think about was how late we would get back home (2 AM).  In the end, the car was fixed, we had the money to do it, we were safe, and we had each other.  That is something that I take for granted.  Eric's presence in my life and his way to have a positive attitude is crucial in stressful times.  Normally I would probably freak out and cry, but this time was different.  He made the situation better and we made the most of our trip.

Not every situation/experience will go "according to plan".  But whose plan is it anyways?  Usually it's my plan, but I often fail.  When God is in control, I can push through any situation with patience and promise.  I am thankful I have my faith to get through difficult times.

Now onto the next adventure...

Expectations and not rushing the process

This blog comes with great confidence and a positive attitude moving forward.

I've always been told, "be patient".  And that wasn't just in running, but mostly in life.

We have the tendency to rush things, to want to see the end product!  But what about the process, what about the hard work to get to the end result.  I think the process is beautiful, even when we are broken and discouraged.  I've learned that injuries can only make you stronger, if you learn to work with them and to not rush the recovery.

A running hero of mine, Kara Goucher says in her recent blog post, "Nothing is worth rushing-especially if I want to reach my long term goals." 

Whether you're coming back from an injury or starting up a 5k plan, savor the recovery and the process.  We all have expectations, but don't set yourself up for failure.  Realistic goals and steps can garner more success than being unrealistic and being results driven. 

My story: This fall was full of transitions (new job, marriage, injury, etc.)  I was so results-driven that I forgot about the process and never enjoyed racing like I used to in previous years.  I was so wrapped up in performance that I forgot why I am running. 

And let me tell you, running isn't fun when you have pain every day/every run.  On top of an injury I unknowingly was dealing with anemia, which for many women can make running a bad experience.  With the combination of bad races, an injury, and iron-deficiency, I was a mess. 

After many months of self-doubt and considering to give up on running, I pushed through with a lot of support from my church, husband, and family.  They provided me with he resources and encouragement that every runner needs to get through an injury or "bad season". 

The seasons and/or pits in life don't go away, but it's how you prepare for them.  I'm excited about getting over the hump and getting back into some solid training.  I've taken baby steps to getting back in shape and I'm glad I didn't just jump back in.  I could've gotten more injured and taken two steps back.

My first race since December proved to be a mental battle.  I ran in the elite section of the Saucony Mile put on by Chester County Running Club.  This event was fun and fast! I knew that there were going to be some fast competition, but I wanted to put myself out there and see where I was at, fitness wise. 

I ended up breaking the finish line at 5:15 and sprinting down 2 women to finish 3rd overall.  I've never done a mile road race, so the experience was exciting!  My husband also raced and is my encouragement, as well as my parents.  I even got to meet another Penn State Track and Field Alumni that runs in a women's masters group. 

Instead of focusing on my time and an expectation, I went out there and raced to the best of my ability.  I had a great time and met some really cool runners.

Soak in the process, enjoy the ride!

Nothing is worth rushing - especially if I want to reach my long term goals.  - See more at: http://www.oiselle.com/blog/catching-kara#sthash.w7ddopQP.dpuf

Nothing is worth rushing - especially if I want to reach my long term goals.  - See more at: http://www.oiselle.com/blog/catching-kara#sthash.w7ddopQP.dpuf

Nothing is worth rushing - especially if I want to reach my long term goals.  - See more at: http://www.oiselle.com/blog/catching-kara#sthash.w7ddopQP.dpuf