Learning to face my disappointment: Rothman Institute 8K Race Report 2014

Disappointment (noun): the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the defeat of one’s hopes or expectations

In order to overcome the feelings that I have been experiencing from Saturday, I want to be real and talk about the power of perspective.

Naturally, I am a tough critic of myself.  I have expectations laid out and reactions to achievement/failure that are natural as a human & woman.  I put a lot of time into training and that is a choice.  I choose to get up early to stretch & lift.  I choose to push my limits to get better.  I choose to put aside money in our budget to pay for races.  And it is also a choice on how I react after the race is over. 

I want to start from the beginning.  Going into the race (Rothman Institute 8k), I was filled with anxiety.  What was I thinking? I've never raced over a 6k, yet alone an 8k.  I experienced some self-doubt and my abilities as a runner.  Training has been going well, but I've been guilty of the comparison trap.  I see so many other runners and their times/training paces and I question my capabilities.  I countered these thoughts with positive ones: this will be great training & I just ran a 3.8 mile relay leg at 5:53 pace, what's one more mile?  The Lord has blessed me with this ability and gift and I want to use it!

The day of the race was cold! We woke up at 5:30AM and got a lift to the race site.  I couldn't feel my face/fingers.  We quickly warmed up and got to the Elite/Seeded heated tent to put on our bibs.  I started to see familiar faces of elite runners: Kerri Gallagher from Oiselle, Rachel Schneider (previous Georgetown runner), & many others!  It was nice to see Tara Murray from our local running group.  She was so supportive and positive!  As they led us into the cold, my mind was numb.  I wasn't nervous, I wasn't ancy, I wasn't anything.  They held us at the start for 15 minutes...the cold sank in further despite wearing the wazelle long sleeve, Oiselle racing jersey, lesley knickers, Zensah compression leg sleeves, light gloves, and my Patagonia hat.  

Side note: I've been dealing with a big toe injury for over a year now.  The pain has increasingly gone down to a point that I am training hard with it.  I credit this with the change in shoe to HOKA ONE ONE's Clifton.  Lightweight, yet supportive.  Most recently I was able to afford another x-ray/MRI and it has shown a stress fracture in the sesamoid bone.  The doctor wasn't sure if it is healing or not, so next comes the MRI.  I wanted to stay positive and race despite hearing this news because I am trusting that it is healing.

As the gun went off, the group took off towards the first stretch and go-around Logan Square before heading out on our out-and-back along the Schuykill River.  The out route is down-hill and the back route is increasingly up-hill.  I stuck with a few women that I knew wanted to go 6:00 min pace, a do-able pace in my mind.  I stayed with them relaxed until we passed the 3 mile marker.  

I can't describe how my legs felt after that because all I felt was pain/tiredness.  They wouldn't respond.  I just kept trucking along through the pain with negative thoughts of wanting to stop.  It was a mental game for me after that point.  1 mile at a time.  It was nice to hear familiar voices cheering (Tara Murray & Oiselle teammates) on the way back.  

Ok, made it to mile 4, less than 1 mile to go!  I kept at the same pace, not responding to other runners up ahead like I usually could.  I wanted to finish, stay strong Megan.  As I crept up the last hill before the finish I pumped my arms vigorously and passed 2 runners.  I picked it up slightly before the finish & sprinted home, 30:49 (6:11 pace overall). Race results.

Soon after the race I was happy & excited that I did indeed finish and it was an automatic PR.  As the day rolled out and I was able to review the results, those feelings of disappointment crept in.  I started to feel that I was capable of so much more, but I didn't execute the plan.  I started to second guess my training and my abilities.  What am I doing wrong?  

I stood back and realized that I was comparing myself to the wrong people.  Elites & Olympic qualifiers are not in the same category as I am.  I wanted to be proud of myself and thankful for this opportunity.  I wanted to be thankful that I finished and thankful that I could make this trip with my husband, and I was proud of him.  We work full-time jobs and manage to fit in full-time training with each other, that is something to brag about.  I know where my strengths are: shorter distances and my speed.  I am continuously working on maintaining faster paces for longer distances, but I'm realizing that it doesn't happen overnight.  

This is the season of thanksgiving, but more importantly thanks-living.  I want to be aware of what I'm capable of and setting realistic goals.  I'm hungry for faster times and placing higher in my division, but I need to be patient.  God's plan is much bigger than my own.  I know my time will come to shine, He is preparing me for something big.  Having a positive perspective will get me through to the finish.  

I've read that, "Sometimes, it takes a painful disappointment to teach us a skill or strengthen our faith or to put us in the right place at the right time. We don’t know His ways or His thoughts. We just have to believe in His promise. Find the good, grab onto it with both hands, and celebrate it. You need to." (Tara Ziegmont)

In conclusion, I am proud of myself of taking a step outside my comfort zone, 2k outside my comfort zone to be exact!  Are you willing to step outside your comfort zone for a goal/dream, even if it means facing disappointment along the way?