FORGET Regret

I feel like one day I woke up and I was 29.  Where has the time gone?  What happened to that fiery girl from Quakertown that was fearless when it came to races?  Ugh, and that race last last weekend.  And that DNF…disappointing, check.  Frustrating, check.  Big question mark because I thought I had solid training, check.  Bummed.  But I need to move on, learn my lesson, and count my blessings. 

The time that I’ve taken to sulk and complain can surely add up in my past.  Regrets and bad decisions  can surely add up as well.  A race that lasts under 5 minutes or 3 miles shouldn’t take up hours & days of my time to be down about.  I am well aware that wisdom doesn’t come overnight & that a changed attitude/outlook can make something crappy into an unseen opportunity.  But why is that so hard to grasp?!

I often get asked what I’m training for and what my end goal is with running.  I should know that answer, shouldn’t I? Honestly, do I have to have an answer?  Can’t I just be doing this for myself?  After years of doubts, insecurities, and regrets about what I could’ve been as a collegiate runner, I threw that out the window.  I threw the expectations and times and short-comings out the window.  Why?  Because they’ve ruined me for too long.  They’ve ruined my passion.  They’ve ruined my joy.  They’ve ruined my self-esteem.  They’ve ruined my whole-self, when in reality running is just ONE of my gifts God has given me.

Just in the past year I’ve learned more than I’ve known in years before.  That’s what can happen when you let go of regrets and expectations.  When you learn to love running again.  When you learn to love food again.  When you’re healthy from the inside-out.  When I can love my husband more and more, because I love myself. 

Keep it in perspective.  Oh the power of perspective.  Look at the big picture & your whole self, not just one race or one assignment.  How are you going to learn from that one experience?  You can sit and sulk and fall backwards OR you can evaluate the whole picture and what you can do better moving forward. 

In the end, I’ve tried my best & yes I've failed, but that's not my label.  Psalm 139:14 says, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."  That is the whole truth and the only truth I need to know.  Those labels don't have to define who I am.  And that one race isn’t worth it if I didn’t learn anything. 

In efforts to move beyond any setbacks and striving to be my best, I'm going to start journaling, thanks to a good friend's birthday gift, I'm Doing My Best.  

"The key to moving beyond setbacks in your quest for self-improvement is resilience.  Take stock, correct the problem, learn from it, and keep moving.  Psychology Today puts it clearly: There are some common traits among individuals who quickly move past failure and indeed benefit from it.  They are able to step back and evaluate their failure...They do not become paralyzed by their failed experience."